Agatha Tutia
IMG_0900.JPG

All

blog

Aimee + Agatha: Breaking Awkward

OutfitOfTheDay

Anxiety, old bitter wench, rudely rattled on me as I drove down the highway. Today was the day and there was no avoiding it anymore. Clenching the steering wheel, I nervously sighed. At some point while shopping for gifts, I knew in order to move forward with this Instagram regiment, I'd need to embrace Aimee and shoot the question.

Will you take a picture of me?

But not exactly just so, no, I had formulated a plan prior. Before asking the pivotal question, I'd scout out the perfect spot, take a test shot, then ask for the needed assistance. I'd be kind and specific, clarifying how I'd like the shot and making sure they came out golden, then I'd thank them profusely, and we'd all be on our merry way. Sounds simple except for the fact that I can be an incredible reserved and awkward person.

I've always maintained a formidable independence. With working parents, I relied early on to live on my own (with my brother). College proved a natural transition and encouraged my self-sufficiency all the more. This led to solo excursions, self-starter projects, but also pride. A pride of "I don't need anyone else to help me" and "I can do it myself." I wish I could honestly say that this isn't bad, but it is. It's one of my greatest traits, but also what I believe my greatest downfall. Life isn't meant to be lived alone, but with family, friends, strangers, and even that person you really don't like.

So you can imagine that asking this question also meant breaking from my pride of autonomy. This wasn't about a post, it was about me learning to not just ask for help, but to trust another person outside my comfort zone. Only two paths laid before me: do or don't.

Sweating outside a crepe restaurant en route home, my moment of vulnerability stood ready. I found the backdrop: a white paneled wall adjacent to a pale stone-lined siding with simple, but flowing greenery below. The perfect spot to showcase the colors of my muted pink top and ripped jeans. This was it. I approached a security guard headed somewhere if he could spare a moment and take my picture. Regretfully, he denied, explaining that the high up managing team were literally across the street. Understandable. Then a pair of clocked-out-for-lunch businessmen walked right toward me. Again, I asked with a smile and a fluttering heart. They agreed! And as the snaps, slight shaking during the pose, laughter of the situation, and exchange of words occurred, it was over. I had done it. I may have lied and told them it was for a competition with friends, but I did it!

Thanking the men graciously, I pressed on to find shade and a resting spot. Still trembling, I swiped through the photos, and despite the tiny blur of his finger on one corner, my heart pumped harder and felt an awe unlike anything I ever experienced. That was me. A confident woman pioneering her way through life with relentless determination. A fearless woman that God handcrafted in His Image to live with faith, hope, and love. A trusting woman who knows that asking for help doesn't invoke weakness, but strength.

I'm not sure if asking strangers to take my picture will eliminate this detriment of mine, but it's a good start. If anything, at least I'm a little braver. 

Follow me on Instagram! #noshame