Agatha Tutia



I've Been Mentally Blocked and It's Time to Do Something About It

I’m blocked. A sort of mental block where self-doubt, laziness, fear of failure drag you into a pitiful abyss. I’m physically here. I’m physically at work. I’m physically laughing and talking to you. But inside my heart, I’m off.

Nerves sink in stronger than they used to. And maybe it’s because I’ve been listening to way too many true crime podcasts, but as trite as it sounds: life is short. Like Stephen Colbert said, “It’s a gift to exist, and with existence comes suffering.”

I have endured new difficult experiences that have chipped at my soul. I still haven’t fully let go of them. And maybe that’s why I’m blocked.

It’s been awhile since I’ve plunged deep within myself. Honestly, I’m terrified, but there are stories I need to write. And in writing them, I can let go. If I share with you my what has burned me, gnawed at me, depleted me, I can get back to being on. If I thread and weave my emotions into tapestries of word and art, perhaps I can reemerge a truer and lovelier woman.

This is a beginning. This is a start. This is good.